My oldest daughter, Audrey, celebrated her 21st birthday yesterday! Wow…21 years! I’m the mom of a 21 year old…wasn’t I just a fresh-faced 21 year old myself…
I feel like it’s such a big milestone birthday, so I’m sharing my thoughts on motherhood in today’s post. I hope you’ll give it a read…
{look how young and naive we were bringing that first baby home from the hospital}
21 TRUTHS I’VE LEARNED IN 21 YEARS OF BEING A MOM
- Time goes by fast. REALLY fast. I remember a mom with older children telling me this, as I was trying to calm down one of my daughters when they were having a temper tantrum, of course in a public place. You know the saying…”Enjoy them while they are young because they grow up quickly.” Welllll, she was right. Time moved quickly and now my daughters are 21, 18, and 11. I have to say that the high school and college years go the quickest. It’s a fun time in their lives, so be sure to enjoy the ride!
2. A mother’s love is unconditional. Until I became a mom, I didn’t quite understand what that meant. Once I held each of my babies in my arms, it became very clear that nothing could ever change the love I have for each of them. I may not always agree with their choices or behavior (especially throughout the teen years), but the love I have for each will never waver.
3. Speaking of the teen years, I’ve learned to choose my battles wisely. Enough said.
4. Going along with #3, I learned to ‘bite my tongue.’ I only wish I had done it more often.
5. I’ve learned more from my daughters than they have from me…patience, humility, understanding, compassion, and how to use the Uber app.
6. This “job” of motherhood did not come with an instruction manual. I’ve definitely learned “on the job,” as every day brings something different. And my oldest was/is the guinea pig (sorry, Audrey)…I’ve been a wiser and more patient mom with my youngest.
7. Be spontaneous at times. Being a Type A mom, this isn’t always easy for me. I know my daughters will remember the times I didn’t live the day according to plan…like going to the midnight showing of Hunger Games on a school night, waking up early to take Grace fishing on Nags Head Pier just the two of us, and tracking down Carly Rae Jepsen at a festival in Toronto to hear her sing ‘Call Me Maybe.’ Kids need structure, but a bit of spontaneity shows them you remember what it was like to be young once.
8. No two children are the same…even when they come from the same mother and father. And I have learned that sometimes you can’t parent them in the same manner. What might work for one will more than likely not work for another.
9. Worrying about whether one of my daughters will play soccer or attend a Homecoming dance or audition for the school musical was really a waste of time. Kids usually know what is best for themselves…and they will find their own activity, their own group, and their own way to shine. But we aren’t moms if we don’t worry, right?
10. Forced family fun is a good thing. And sometimes I don’t even have to “force” it.
11. Experience gifts are better than material items. I wish I had discovered this earlier in my journey. Time spent together making memories is really truly better than any toy.
12. I don’t always need to “fix” everything. This was a hard one for me. When my daughters have come to me in the past to talk about a problem they are having, I immediately begin to think of ways to “fix” it. I’ve learned they just want me to listen. Easy enough. Listen and hug them.
13. I know that some things just can’t be “fixed” and accept the situation for what it is (see #12).
14. Taking time for myself…getting my nails done, exercising, going for a walk, journaling, reading are some of my favorite ways to escape. I don’t always do it, but I know I’m a better mom when I do.
15. The 5 second rule (or 20 by the time I had my third baby) is a good rule. I’ve used it throughout all stages…from picking up babies’ pacifiers from the floor to responding to tricky questions asked by my teenagers. Five or 20 seconds to process something before responding is a good rule.
16. It’s easy to do, but I try not to compare myself to other moms. We all have our own way of doing things, and that’s okay. It’s our unique way of parenting that creates unique individuals.
17. Those first five years were so crucial for instilling the values and morals we find important as a family. After that, our children will spend less of their waking hours with me than with other influences (friends, teachers, coaches, etc.). You only have a short time to make a big impact on their lives.
18. A lot of tears are shed as a mother…tears of sadness, happiness, frustration, joy. Carry tissues at all times.
19. I wish I had complained less about parenting and enjoyed more of it. I truly believe that is why Claire came along when she did…I’ve definitely learned not to sweat the small stuff and enjoy the time I have with her.
20. Spending one-on-one time with each of my daughters has always been important to me. Whether it’s a mother daughter vacation, dinner, a concert, or a trip to the farmer’s market, I like having that quality time with each. With no siblings around to compete for time and attention, it gives me time to really connect with each.
21. There is nothing harder than being a mom…I constantly wonder if I’m doing the right thing for each of my daughters, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything because it is so rewarding to watch them grow into the persons there were meant to be (literally right in front of my eyes).
And fortunately as I’ve learned, this job of motherhood is never ending…
